Hormone, Hormone the range?

My son Samuel was born about 5 weeks before I turned 39 years old. He is now a teenager and this week, I will turn 52 years old. So, we have an interesting mix going on in our home - adolescent development meets menopause.

Samuel's growing by leaps and bounds. He's now about an inch taller than his mother. He's spending more time looking in the mirror, wondering how to mask the pimples that are appearing on his chin and nose. He's requested that I buy AXE shower wash and shampoo and I do so because at least it encourages him to shower more frequently. He spends a great deal of time in his room with the door closed. Much of that time, he's on the computer playing Runescape and chatting with friends on Skype. Every thirty minutes or so he comes out of the room, bounds down the stairs to the kitchen where I find him holding the refrigerator or pantry door open, looking for something to eat. Yep, he's a teenager.

And then there's me. I'm right in the middle of menopause. I think my spine is shrinking due to age, so maybe that's why Samuel seems taller. My midsection has grown due to opening the refrigerator and pantry doors and my mouth too often. Periodically, I use a lotion that promises to be age-defying. So far, it hasn't lived up to the claim. I go to the gym and work out, but the pounds are coming off at a slow pace. My nights are spent throwing off the covers due to periodic hot flashes. When I'm not throwing off the covers, I'm getting up in the middle of the night to empty my bladder.

And then, there's the attitude to add to this interesting mix of mother and son, menopause and teen development. Take yesterday for example. I had scheduled a photo shoot for Samuel to document him turning thirteen. We drove to downtown Raleigh to meet our friend Ashley with Story Photographers. Ashley began working with Samuel and doing her magic with the camera. At one point, I made some funny faces and "walked like an Egyptian," trying to get Samuel to smile or laugh. He immediately put up his hand and said, "Stop it!" I stopped and got out of the way.

Later in the car, I thanked Samuel for being a good sport and for being patient during the photo shoot. He said, "Why are you thanking me when you made me do it?" Ouch.

Samuel had a band concert after the photo shoot. On the way to the school, I told him I would meet him in front of the band room after the concert. His response was, "Don't come to the band room. Just meet me at the entrance to the school." Ouch again.

During the concert, Samuel had a trumpet solo on a song called "Red Balloon" by Anne McGinty. The composer was inspired to write the tune after seeing a painting of an old man with a child holding a red balloon. I couldn't help but think of the young son whose hands used to hold mine and red balloons. He's letting go of my hand and I'm having to release him in small and big ways as he finds his way through adolescence to adulthood.

And I sat and cried. That is, after all, what a teenager and menopause can do to a woman.

What else should be banned while driving?

On June 19, 2009, Governor Bev Purdue signed new legislation into law banning text messaging by all drivers. As of December 1, 2009, any driver caught texting while driving will be fined $100 plus court costs. Drivers under the age of 18 had already been banned from using any mobile communication device while driving.


Texting is not the only thing banned in the new law. The use of additional technology associated with a mobile phone while driving is also banned, such as a camera, e-mail, music, the Internet and games. There are exceptions to the new law in the event of an emergency and one is welcome to use the mobile phone if the vehicle is not in motion.

But I have to wonder - If texting while driving is banned, shouldn't other dangerous actions and behaviors undertaken while behind the wheel also be banned?

* What about a woman putting on make-up while driving to work?
* What about a man using an electric shaver while driving?
* What about those who are eating their bagels or hamburgers while driving?
* What about those who are reading a map or glancing at the GPS unit on the dashboard?
* What about those writing notes or reading a newspaper?
* What about the parent who reaches around to the back seat to give a sippy cup to child?
* What about smokers who light up a cigarette or cigar while driving, then flick their ashes out a half open window?

In many ways, our cars have become entertainment centers, mobile offices, living rooms and kitchens. Too many of us have become driven to distraction by modern technology. As the bumper sticker says, we just need to "hang up and drive."

What have you seen others doing while driving?

Where do I go if I can't go to the church?

My friend, Hugh Hollowell, works as an inner-city minister in the downtown area of Raleigh, N.C. and is the founder of Love Wins Ministries. He is a seeker of peace and justice for the poor, the homeless and those that many in our society choose to ignore.

I like that Hugh tells it like it is. He did just that in his October newsletter that I received by e-mail today. With his permission, his letter is included below. The story he tells should cause us to rise up, to speak up, and be moved to action. His words should move us to anger, sadness, frustration and irritation, in particular with the church (and the city government). This is yet another example of the church moving so very far away from what Christ intended it to be.

Read it and weep.


Dear Friends,

Several weeks ago I sat in a room full of pastors from downtown churches in a forum called by the Raleigh Police Department. Ostensibly, it was to talk about how faith communities can properly secure their premises, especially in light of Martha's murder a few months ago. The gist of the presentation was about church security - having your facilities well lit, etc. And then, they started talking about the homeless.

We saw pictures of dangerous criminals (their words), all but one of whom were black, as examples of the sort of people we should be watching out for. (Of course, most of the folks in the audience were white, so this played with their stereotypes perfectly.) Then they presented us all with trespass letters, which, if signed and placed on file with the police, would give them permission to arrest folks found on their property after hours. The entire presentation built to this, and you got the feeling this was the whole reason for the meeting.

There aren't near enough shelter beds. If you are unhoused and needed a safe place, you might think about going to sit out of the rain under the awning at the corner church. Especially since the church is closed so you won't scare any of the rich white people who attend there. If you thought this way you wouldn't be alone. There are several churches downtown where friends of mine sleep - behind their dumpsters, in the shrubs, under the awning. Because it is well lit, clean and generally safe.

The police work for the city, which makes revenue from developers, who sell houses to rich people who do not like seeing homeless people. So the police are under a lot of pressure to "clean up" the homeless problem. The police are frustrated by the churches that have allowed people to sleep on their grounds. So, the police scare the daylights out of the church leaders, throw Martha's death in the mix, show some scary pictures of black men and convince a goodly number of the downtown churches to put up no trespassing signs, enabling the police to act on those trespass letters they wanted us to sign.

The presenters assured us they did not want to interfere with our mission - they just wanted us to help them keep us 'safe'.

I was the only one who stood up and said that our mission does not call for us to be safe - it calls for us to show extreme love and radical hospitality. I asked the people, preachers and police alike, the following question: If you are tired and hungry and alone and have no home and no hope - if you cannot go to the church, where should you go?

No one had any answers to that. The police officer told me he understood, but that was not his job.

But it is my job. It is our job. To extend grace and love to the other. Not to put up signs to keep people who don't look like us away.

So I have spent the last few weeks telling my friends who sleep outside that churches are not safe places anymore. That the No Trespassing signs mean they will be arrested. And when they ask me where they are supposed to go if they can't go to church, I tell them I don't know. And when they leave, I cry.

Love Wins. Always.

Hugh Hollowell

Are you going to the reunion?

I love reunions. I have fond memories of attending family reunions as a child and teenager. Family members would gather, dishes of delicious food would fill the long tables, aunts and uncles would marvel at how the children had grown, stories would be shared and cameras would capture the memories. When it was over, I looked forward to the passing of another year to attend the next reunion.

In the past few weeks, I've had the opportunity to attend several reunions. These events were not family reunions, but they sure did feel like it.

On October 3, I had the opportunity to attend a reunion of former youth group members who were at Woodhaven Baptist Church where I served as Minister of Youth and Education from 1993 - 1998. Many of them are now married and some have young children. Most of them have college degrees and are employed. A few are business owners. Some are stay-at-home moms.

I enjoyed holding and cuddling their babies, learning about their current lives, and reminiscing about the youth group years. I was especially glad to learn that many of them are volunteers and leaders in churches, teaching Sunday School, participating in mission trips and leading in worship. It was such a joy to gather with these friends, their families and former volunteer leaders for a day of renewing the ties that bind us to one another, both in the past and the present.

Most recently, I attended another reunion of sorts. I'm lucky enough to still be in touch with a group of friends from my college days at Appalachian State University (ASU). We try to get together as often as time allows. This past weekend, three of us went to Boone, N.C. to attend homecoming events.

We stood in the rain and watched the homecoming parade as it traveled through the downtown area before the football game. Following the parade, we were treated to a cookout at the Baptist Student Union (BSU), the place where we met one another while students. Scrapbooks filled with pictures of us and other BSU friends brought many laughs and good memories.

Before the football game, we walked around the campus, seeing the dorms we lived in and some of the buildings where we attended classes. We then joined the crowd in the newly expanded stadium, cheering on the Mountaineer football team and watching the son of one of my friends play the saxophone in the ASU Marching Band of Distinction. Many renovations and changes were apparent on the campus, but the love and the bond shared with these friends has remained constant for over 30 years.

These two reunions provided the opportunity to renew old friendships, to catch up with those I have not seen in years, and to share memories of times gone by. I suppose that reunions are ways to revisit our roots and be reminded of the people and places that hold great significance in our lives.

As a result of my experiences in the last few weeks, I'm grateful for the past, for cherished memories, life-long friendships, and the sense of belonging I feel with those who, at one time or another, were and still remain like family to me.

What would you do if you won the lottery?

The Sunday edition of the Raleigh News and Observer ran an interesting column by Dan Barkin entitled "When I win the lottery." Barkin wondered what a person would do if they won the Powerball jackpot. It so happens that one lucky ticket in Florida matched all 6 numbers on Saturday, October 3rd and when that person comes forward, they will walk away with the $189 million jackpot. The holder (or holders) of the winning ticket will now have to decide whether to take a 29-year, 30-installment annuity, or the one time cash “lump sum” amount of $101,160,403.

It got me wondering, too. What would I do if I won that much money?

The first thing to consider would be whether to take a lump sum or the installment plan? If I take the lump sum, I would only get the discounted value of the installments, minus taxes. If I chose the installment plan, would I live long enough to collect all the money? Decisions, decisions. It's still a lot of money either way.

Next I would have to decide what I would do with the money. Of course, I would invest much of it, saving for a rainy day, I suppose. Samuel's college expenses would be covered for sure, and I'm certain he would think of a thousand other ways to spend some of the money on things he thinks he needs.

I suppose I would pay off the mortgage on our house. I'm not sure I would even want to buy a new house. We've lived in our home for almost 21 years and I like the neighborhood. This is home and at the moment, I can't imagine moving to another place.

Maybe I would buy a new car or some new furniture.

I've always wanted a beach house, but sure as I buy one, a big hurricane would take it out to sea.

I know that I would want to give some money to my favorite charities. There are many worthy organizations and agencies that need assistance to do their good work and ministry.

I could give some to a church, but I wonder if a church would (or should) take lottery money. I can imagine the church conference/business meeting now and the arguments that might ensue as a result of such an offer of money that comes from gambling.

Many people who have won big money from the lottery usually say that their life will not change much as a result. Most choose to keep their jobs and share their good fortune with friends and family. Others have not been so fortunate, making lifestyle changes and blowing the money on frivolous purchases, only to find themselves broke in a few years.

The good news is that I'll never know the answer to the question of what I would do if I won the lottery. I've never bought a lottery ticket and no jackpot amount would cause me to go out and do so. I've got better things to do with my money than throw it away.

What about you?

Words for today

A trusty alarm clock
sun glistening through the blinds
a warm shower
good smelling shampoo
fresh towel
hot iron
no wrinkles in the clothes
crisp fall morning
chicken minis for breakfast
a drive through the country
pumpkins for sale
blue sky
white fluffy clouds
roundabouts
finding a parking space
a beautiful chapel
a man in a suit
professor
writer
Dr. Cartledge
my husband
Tony
singing a hymn
worthy of worship
Brian McLaren speaking
postmodern
thinking
pondering
taking notes
stretching the mind
shaking hands
hugging necks
friends
colleagues
grocery store
dinner planned
e-mails received
e-mails answered
meetings scheduled
presents wrapped
a change of clothes
shorts and flip flops
carpool line
SUVs and mini-vans
the daily crossword
all blanks filled in
puzzle solved
middle schoolers
my son
Samuel
almost thirteen
a teenager tomorrow
at the end of today
blessed.

Would you like to try a sample?

A favorite outing for my family is a visit to the state farmers' market in Raleigh. We love walking through the open-air shelter where vendors display their goods and beckon customers to sample fresh and inexpensive produce grown in North Carolina. On this fall day, I decided to take my camera along and take some pictures of the seasonal goods on display.




The vendors always display an abundance of seasonal produce, which today included squash, okra, grapes, peppers and sweet potatoes, along with peaches and apples. There are vendors selling garden plants, flowers and herbs. You can also stock up on jars of honey, jellies, jams, salsas or apple butter. Meats, cheeses, eggs and baked goods are also available.




Free samples can be enjoyed throughout the market stalls. Today we got to sample fresh peaches, sausage (with green pepper and onion), goat cheese and thin layered chocolate cake.












There are two restaurants at the market. The State Farmers' Market Restaurant serves up some good down-home southern style dishes, most of which include ingredients found right next door at the vegetable market. Our favorite, the NC Seafood Restaurant features fresh, cooked to order seafood piled high and complimented with hush puppies, home fries and slaw. Delicious!




A trip to the farmers market in the fall is not complete until you pick out just the right pumpkin to display on the front porch. The price was so good today that we chose two and they will be transformed into jack-o-lanterns in a few weeks.





The best thing about visiting the market is that I know my money is going directly to support local farmers. The prices for vegetables at the market are often lower than the local grocery stores. In our uncertain economy, our visits to the market are good for us and the farmers. I hope you will get a chance to visit this market or one near you to enjoy some of the goodness that grows in North Carolina.